Sam and Gary adopted their son through Adoption Focus. In this post Sam writes about the initial visit stage of the process.
Once we had attended the Adoption Focus event, we decided they were the agency for us and the next step in the process was the home visit.
I have since read books and blogs where people have seriously blitzed their homes in preparation for this visit and stocked up on cakes and treats. I am not going to lie, I finished work a little early and ran the vacuum round, no fancy cakes were offered (sorry social worker). It’s not that we didn’t care or are not hospitable it simply did not cross our minds. However, we did make a note for future visits.
Even though there were no treats, and the house was not showroom ready the meeting went well. We were asked why we wanted to adopt, which I find an interesting question and my answer is why not?
I don’t believe adoption should be a second choice and for us it never was. Who knows if one day we might have birth children too. But for us it was as simple as there are children in the world who need a safe and secure home and we feel we can offer that.
I also wasn’t super keen on sleepless nights and nappy changing and adoption gave us the option of an older child. I’ll tell you more about adopting an older child in a later post!
The visit lasted about an hour, the social worker looked at our home to ensure it was suitable. When you adopt you must have a separate bedroom for your child and it is preferred if you have been in your home a little while and are not planning on leaving anytime soon. We soon learnt that what is key to adopted children is routine and security, reinforcing the narrative that this is forever. Whilst you might not be living in your forever home you need to be prepared to be staying a few years as this will help your child(ren) attach and feel secure.
This home visit would be the first of many. Your social worker really will become an extension of your family and will get to know you better than you know yourself. It can feel intrusive and make you questions why you have to ‘jump through so many hoops’ when you are trying to do a good thing. My advice would be don’t take it personally, the social workers need to ensure that you are fully prepared and ready as you can be for becoming adoptive parents. They need to know that you are secure financially and emotionally for the demands of a child(ren).
You can read more from Sam on her blog.